


Nobody

by orcafox



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Digital Art, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Romantic Comedy, Soft Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Swearing, Tags May Change, The good shit, fake dating au, its not bad but like we do say fuck in this house, sylvain and dorothea going "sksksksk" the entire time like, well at the beginning at least it gets soft later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-05 08:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20485727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orcafox/pseuds/orcafox
Summary: Dorothea is tired of seeing Linhardt and Caspar dance around each other when it comes to their feelings.So logically, the only thing to do is enlist Sylvain in helping her set up a fake couple to convince the two---Mostly Ashe/Felix centered, sometimes POV may change but u get it!!





	1. dumbass no.1 and dumbass no.2

**Author's Note:**

> dorothea: sksksksksk... what if ashe and felix kissed ha...... just kidding.... unless????  
sylvain: galaxy brain you funky lil bisexual 
> 
> its kinda rom-com for the first two chapters, after that it gets sad and fluff so! strap in or not up to you boo [kisses air]

Dorothea slumped against the wall, defeat leaving her body through a sigh. Damn, no matter what she tried nothing would work for those two. It was almost endless, watching them both flirt with one another. After pouting for a moment, she straightened herself up, crossing her arms and becoming lost in thought quickly. Perhaps she should try another method?

“Ah, if it isn’t the lovely Dorothea herself!” A familiar voice greeted, tone absolutely drenched in honey. She almost irked when her eyes met the skirt chaser himself, fiery hair a mess and arms comfortably behind his head, as he always stood. “What seems to be troubling you today?”

She felt tempted to tell him off, a few sharp words and the right tone could send him away with ease, like a dog with a tail tucked between its legs. Imagining Sylvain as a dog actually made her almost chuckle, pathetic as human, pathetic as canine. Well, maybe not _pathetic_, but certainly not the most impressive. Someone you don’t take home to the parents.

However, despite being the skirt chaser he is and constantly looking for the next girl, he knows how love works. Or at least, how dating works, maybe love was too kind for someone like him. But she was desperate, and anything would work over nothing. She almost had to swallow her pride.

“If you must know,” Dorothea started, turning towards him standing tall, “It’s a matter of the heart.” She smiled innocently, this should lure him in like the idiot fish he is.

“My my! Dorothea? Struggling with matters of the heart? Almost unheard of.” He replied, and alas her fish was caught. Absolute child's play with this man! “Is it,” He arched an eyebrow, “Anything I can assist with?”

She felt like she could vomit in her mouth, “Oh no, it certainly isn’t pertaining to myself.” Dorothea let a rather dramatic sigh slip from her mouth, “Say, Sylvain, have you ever watched two friends endlessly dance around each other?” She twirled a piece of her hair around her finger.

That caused him to drop his all too flirty stance, his arms dropping to his sides before one rested on his chin in an expression of deep thought, “Unfortunately, I can say I have.” He sighed, “I’m assuming who you’re dealing with has no idea either?”

She nodded, “Absolutely clueless.” Her grip on her hair tightened for a breath, “They mindlessly just dance around each other! It’s so obvious that they love each other, but...” She paused.

Sylvain leaned against the wall next to her, his expression growing of concern, “But what?”

Dorothea became lax, “I believe they are afraid to court each other due to the nature of themselves.” She admitted, biting the inside of her cheek.

“...Yeah, alright you’re gonna have to expand on that.” Sylvain deadpanned, frown deepening a bit.

She groaned, but quickly covered it up with that smile of hers, “I believe they fear the rejection of society, being two men and all. Despite the overwhelming amount of non-heterosexuals around the academy, and even the monastery!”

The fiery man flinched, “Oh yikes.” He crossed his arms in a relaxed manner, “That is tricky to work with. May I know our targets?”

“Our?” Dorothea asked, suspicious.

“Yeah, you have me interested so now I will take part-time custody of this issue.” He put a hand to his chest, “Our lovely little child!” Dorothea rolled her eyes, but her smile was genuine for a moment.

“If you must…” She leaned into his side closely, “Are you familiar with Linhardt and Caspar?” She questioned.

Sylvain deadpanned again, “Oh good, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one picking up on their obvious pining.”

She nodded, standing herself up straight again. “Yes, our two lovely idiots are in love and I fear they may never feel comfortable during our time at the monastery, let alone outside of the academy.”

Sylvain hummed, residing to his thoughts for a moment.

“I wish there was some way we could show them that same-sex couples are accepted around here, because they won’t realize it on their own.” Dorothea continued, “Do not misunderstand me, I don’t mean to play into their lives but…”

“You can relate as a funky little bisexual?” He finished for her.

“Exactly.” She nodded, the smile dropping from her face. “Goddess knows it took me forever to grow comfortable, I dare not think of the possibility that they would hide their feelings forever. If I had been shown an example, I know I would’ve felt much more assured of myself.”

She crossed her arms, tapping her fingers in the crook of her elbow and pouting a small bit. If only she could think of something, but alas nothing really came to mind. “Hmm...” Throwing a glance to the nearby window, she caught sight of a familiar mop of silver hair, who she had just seen earlier that day alongside a certain swordsman. In fact, she had seen them together quite often, as if they mirrored her current targets…  
_  
“Come now, it’s just beyond this aisle.” Ashe’s voice had rung out, enveloped in excitement and giddy like a school child. Dorothea had looked up, curious as to what had the little archer so upbeat. Sure, it wasn’t rare to find the little archer in the library, he was practically his second home. But today his voice held something new, almost precious. He led the swordsman behind him, hands intertwined so casually that it almost looked natural for the duo. _

_“You’re nearly an adult, and still these tales amaze you like some child?” Felix scoffed, his tone surprisingly relaxed despite how he usually spoke of such stories. “I almost worry you’ll never grow up.” _

_Ashe only giggled, shooting the swordsman a pleasant smile, “Oh hush, I swear you’ll like this one. It’s not as adventurous or idealistic as the others, but it still has a wonderful message.” She could’ve sworn Felix’s expression had softened at that smile. He rounded the corner, Felix groaning as he followed. _

_Yet it had only been perhaps a few minutes later that Dorothea could have testified she heard the two chuckle in unison, Ashe’s much more apparent, but it didn’t quite drown out the amusement of Felix. Sure, his voice was much lower and controlled, but even he couldn’t hide his enjoyment._  
  
Finally, a brilliant idea popped into her mind, and she couldn’t help but grin, “Oh fellow connoisseur of love, I may have an idea.”

Sylvain mimicked her grin, looking a bit smug himself, “Wonderful, where do we start?”

//

Felix shocked himself with how absent-minded he can be sometimes. Do not misunderstand, he’s alert in nearly all the situations he finds himself in, but alas he does have his slip-ups. And this was one of them, misplacing a dagger that was usually strapped to his person. Not that the dagger was specifically special or anything, however, he would prefer if an incident similar to last time occurred.  
_  
“Flayn! Why are you fishing with a dagger!?” Seteth had called, panic filling his voice to the brim. _

_Flayn plunged the dagger into the pond with unparalleled focus, striking a fish through the head and bringing it up like she had caught it normally. A bright smile painted her face, absolute joy radiating from such a sweet girl. _

_“Oh brother! I’m experimenting, and it seems to have worked!” She cheered, lugging the rather large bullhead catch onto the dock. Seteth nearly fainted upon seeing the girl somewhat splattered in blood from the dead marine animal._  
  
He still flinched at the memory of Seteth exploding at him, never seeing the usually collected man so filled to the brim with murderous intent. But hey, props to Flayn for actually making that method work. And that bullhead had tasted good when they served it later in the dining hall. Perhaps he should share his stash of weapons with the strange girl. He irked at the thought, remembering how she had thrown firewood at him to slice. A grimace almost caught on his face at the idea of her replicating that. Nevermind, the idea of that girl with a sharp weapon was far too terrifying.

Entering the Blue Lion’s classroom, his eyes danced around the room. It was normal as ever, empty during the later hours of any typical weekday, wood creaking as the wind gently blew in from the outside, some quills left astray from previous assignments and exams from the day. It felt almost peaceful on its own, silence in an area that was usually bustling with the chaotic energy of his classmates. He could still hear Annette’s excitement over passing the mage exam, and Mercedes’ gentle encouragement. Or Ingrid’s ever so common scolding of Sylvain, as he wooed some other poor girl’s heart, then broke it like glass. He smiled lowly to himself, fucker got what was coming for playing with love like it was some toy.

His eyes finally met the dagger, lying innocently on the table. Ah, there’s the bastard. Felix lifted the dagger and sheathed it back into its perch on his belt. Good, that was over. Now he didn’t have to worry about a repetition of events. Turning to leave, he fell front face into someone’s chest.

Cursing, Felix withdrew to find no one, not a single fucking soul, but the skirt chaser himself. Another bastard to the room, another headache. Sylvain held a mostly innocent expression, but Felix didn’t miss the hint of mischief in his eyes.

“No.” He declared, stepping aside from the cavalier.

“Come on, will you just listen to me for like, a minute? Please?” Sylvain implored, feigning an innocent look.

Felix’s expression twisted a bit, but he couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit curious. Damn that part of him, because as he turned back to his friend, Sylvain had decided to swing an arm around his shoulder and almost smother their faces together at the cheeks.

“Sylvain- You have exactly ten seconds to explain this-” Felix snapped.

“I know, I know, or I’m going to end up meeting the Goddess much sooner than expected.” Sylvain was almost mocking, but in a friendly way, “I get the drill, you are completely understood.”

Felix arched an eyebrow at him, “Is this another issue pertaining to some girl you pissed off again, or are you trying to convince me to flirt? Because both will have the same answer, no.”

“No, no it's not, I swear!” Felix gave him a look, “This time, will you just hear me out?” Sylvain sounded almost exhausted, reeling the swordsman in was quite the task.

Felix mulled over it for a moment, trusting Sylvain was something he wasn’t caught doing often, at least when it comes to trivial matters. But then again, that curious feeling returned, and he couldn’t help at least wonder what he wanted this time, if it wasn’t about some love related issue.

“Fine, what is it?” He sighed, previously tense shoulder dropping, might as well play along for at least a few minutes right?

“Yes!” Sylvain almost whispered-yelled, “Alright so, would you be willing to meet me in the gardens about… Oh, let's see…” He rubbed his chin, faking deep thought, “About an hour after curfew?”

“You’re not afraid of getting caught?”

“Are you?”

Felix scoffed, “Of course not, but why so late? What is so important you have to meet me then?”

“Just trust me,” He ruffled Felix’s hair, causing it to come a little loose from the bun, “It’ll all be worthwhile.”

Grumbling and slapping his hand away, Felix separated from the cavalier, shooting him a dirty look while he fixed his hair, “No, this sounds incredibly trivial. If you have to talk to me about something, just do it now, there’s no point in dancing around the issue.” He wrapped the short ribbon around the bundle of hair, satisfied that it wasn’t in his face anymore.

“Aww come on, please?” Sylvain whined, he took Felix’s hand now into his own.

“No.”

“I’ll do any assigned duties you don’t want for a whole month.” The fiery man’s voice was almost pathetically pleading now, no shame in begging.

He couldn’t lie, not having to attend to the weeds around the monastery did sound nice, especially when the boar always seemed like he wanted to taste them, “Fine, deal.” He recalled the one time Ashe had claimed that weeds could consume an entire building. Still, absolutely unbelievable.

“Fucking finally-” Sylvain muttered, then regained his ever so normal suave expression, “It’s a date then, yeah?”

“Don’t call it that, and yes.” Felix pulled his hand away from Sylvain’s, “If this turns out to be some stupid prank however-”

“No worries! Nothing like that.” Sylvain chuckled, “How could I prank someone who used to cry at the sight of a mouse?”

“_Sylvain._” Felix’s voice held a warning now, and the cavalier understood. He quickly fled to the door, shooting the swordsman a wave.

“See ya then!” Sylvain made his exit, only looking a little afraid. Which honestly, was somewhat of a record, especially after hearing some of the things Felix threatened to do. Sure, they’re all secretly in jest, but if it means that airhead would leave him be for about twenty-five minutes, it was all worth it.

Glancing at the dagger on his belt, he groaned, “All because I forgot you.”

Of course, it didn’t respond. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

//

Honestly, getting to the gardens without being spotted by any of the knights was quite the venture itself, hell even stepping foot into the grassy area felt more like a chore then needed. Damn Sylvain and his cryptic meetings and bullshit. No, it had to be near midnight to talk about something that was probably going to end up being ridiculous anyways.

The moon overhead shined bright, white waves washing over the area and painting it in a lovely blue tone. Usually, red popping flowers appeared mellow and meek, and stark white engravings on the stone columns glowed within the calm night. Not a single insect even sang, relishing in the calm silent night. The entire trip might feel worth it if he could just exist peacefully here, just for a little while. It’s not often he’s able to escape the confines of life to count the stars overhead, overwhelming as they are but pleasing as ever. Indigo skies and himself sounded calming if anything.

Bushes rustled behind him, and he could feel some pangs of sorrow at the thought of this moment being ruined. Felix grimaced at the idea of Sylvain shouting in such a scene. So he turned to face the intruder, smart remark ready in his throat.

But his defensiveness fell as soon as he made contact with silver hair, wide curious green eyes settling upon him. Ashe seemed confused for a moment, before smiling to the swordsman.

He chuckled even, “I never thought I’d find you out here.” Ashe rested near his friend, pleasant expression making Felix’s knees feel weak.

Felix crossed his arms, leaning back against one of the garden columns, “Same goes to you.” Ashe only chuckled more, before turning his gaze to the stars ahead. His hands rested behind his back, intertwined together gently. Felix followed his eyes to the sky again, noting how the moon seemed to glow brighter than before, and how the fresh scent of flowers was now more noticeable. Most importantly, when he looked back to the little archer, he found that his silver hair seemed to glow within the night, and his green eyes felt like they had a blue wash over them, mixing into a teal.

“It’s lovely this time of night. When there’s no commotion of the academy, just the silent stars and watchful moon overhead.” Ashe softly spoke, before turning to face the swordsman, “Right, Felix?”

Felix couldn’t give a single damn about some stars and a moon when Ashe looked like he was made of stars himself at that moment. The moon reflected against his hair, only making him glow even more, green eyes pinned on him and a delightful smile on his face. A reply caught in his throat, unable to speak like some fool.

A moment passed, and Felix cleared his throat, “Yeah, right.” He looked away, internally praying to the goddess that his face didn’t betray his emotions too much.

Ashe blinked at him, “Are you alright? You seem a little bothered?” His voice was so oblivious that Felix could explode. Damn his genetics for never hiding his amusement.

He decided to scoff, “Of course I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be-”

“Ah! Here they are!”

Both the swordsman and the archer looked to the new voice, a fiery set of hair stepping out into the clearing with a certain opera diva besides him. They seem to share a look of mischief, and Felix wanted to flee the scene in that instant. “See? Told you I’d find them.” Sylvain resting his arms behind his head, shooting Dorothea a proud look.

“Yeah, only after twenty minutes of aimless searching.” She deadpanned, setting a hand on her hip and twisting her expression unimpressed. It was soon replaced by her usual expression of faux happiness, that shielded her calculating nature.

“So, do you both have any idea why we asked you to come here?” She asked, tapping her cheek almost impatiently. Both boys looked at each other, familiar confusion in each other’s expressions, “Ah, so you don’t.”

Sylvain stepped ahead now, clearing his throat, and settling a hand over his heart, “Felix, Ashe, are you two familiar with the troubles of one’s heart?” He started, “The woes and worries that can seed deep inside someone, and cause them to lose any hope of finding let alone pursuing the one they adore? The _agony_ of pining and wishing endlessly?”

“Can you get to the point.” Dorothea deadpanned.

Sylvain turned to her, put his hands in a way that chefs do, thumb meeting middle finger as he whispered, “It’s about the dramatics.”

Felix took that moment to shoot Ashe another look, to which the archer just shrugged and mouthed _’No idea.’_ He scoffed and looked back.

“Anyways! We have something to request of you both.” Sylvain slapped his hands together in a loud clap, “Could you both maybe, I dunno… Fake-date-each-other-so-two-classmates-of-ours-might-feel-more-comfortable-with-themselves-and-finally-go-out instead-of-ignoring-the-elephant-in-the-room-that-is-their-love?” He has a pleading smile plastered on his face.

“What?” Both Ashe and Felix question in unison, Felix’s tone a bit more agitated. To be honest, Felix barely caught any of that, the word vomit still processing in his head.

“Think about it!” The cavalier now added, “It might get those two to finally go out instead of obliviously pining like two lovesick idiots.”

“Specifically, Linhardt and Caspar, if you are wondering.” Dorothea now asked, head tilting in faux curiosity. Damn this woman and her charm, like a siren to sailors. “It wouldn’t be for long, and we wouldn’t request anything serious from you both! Just enough to show that such a love is accepted here within the academy.”

Felix couldn’t help but scoff, this entire idea was baseless and stupid. The archer mulled over the request, even tapping his chin in thought, “Interesting, I see what you mean.” Felix almost had to double-take, what was there to see? This is obviously a bad idea, with no real bearing, how are they supposed to- “I’m in if Felix is comfortable.”

Felix uncharacteristically choked, “Excuse me.”

Ashe turned to him now, his beaming expression on full blast and Felix within those rays, he was about to melt. “Think about it! It could help more than just Linhardt and Caspar feel comfortable, plus like Dorothea suggested,” He gestured to the woman, “It’ll only be for a few weeks probably, at most.”

Regaining his lost composure, he snorted, “How are we supposed to believe this will work?” Felix fixed his glare on the matchmakers, “Personally, I like to keep my private life just that, _private._”

“Exactly! That's the whole reason why we asked you two!” Sylvain interrupted, “Think about it Felix, if someone like you could be public with his affections, then literally anyone in Fodlan could too. And Ashe?” Sylvain scoffed now, “Come on, he’s practically the only person you don’t snap at on a daily basis.

“I am?” Ashe mumbled, voice low and surprised. Sylvain nodded, and when Ashe looked at the swordsman for answers, he could only shield his face from the growing blush. Damn it, so it may be true, who cares. No person in existence could yell at such a sweet boy. It doesn’t mean anything, not squat. It’s just a special case of kindness is all.

Dorothea nodded, “If it’s any sort of comfort, this has become a bit of a last resort.” She sighed, “Trust me, if I could get those dolts to realize on their own I would’ve by now. I’m embarrassed to admit I do need help even in this.”

“So please, just listen to the pleas and cry of your dearest classmate, and house big brother,” Sylvain started, “And just fake smooch and shit for a few weeks, please?”

He tried to control his growing anger, he just wanted to get his goddess-damned dagger, but now here he was, getting roped into a ridiculous scheme. Was the goddess that mad for letting Flayn use his dagger to fish? Is this his punishment?

“However, if you’re not comfortable, please don’t feel pressured on my end.” Ashe spoke up, setting a hand on Felix’s shoulder, a gentle smile offered to him and him alone, “B-Besides, I probably wouldn’t be that interesting to fake date anyways.” He chuckled, scratching his cheek. “Let alone real date.” His tone was almost comedically low.

Felix groaned, his heart-melting like some lovesick puppy. He’s a fool, an absolute fool. But he’s a fool with the tiniest bit of heart and a need to make that innocent little archer happy.

“...Fine, I’ll do it.” He finally grunted, looking away from the now ever beaming Ashe. Those sweet forest eyes were too much for his head, already dizzy from the sudden rush.

Dorothea chuckled, “Perfect! Thank you both so, so much!” She embraced Ashe, shooting Felix a look that shouted, _’ I’ve won this time, shit lips,’_ like a snake. Felix could only grimace at her. When she pulled away, she ruffled Felix’s hair, and he had to restrain himself from snapping her wrist off and slapping her with it.

“Honestly, you don’t know how much I appreciate this!” She giggled, “But anyhow, we should probably let you both talk this out.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to intervene on our newly pronounced _lovers_ after all.” Sylvain winked at Felix, and he swore he could sense some knowing emotion from the man. Preposterous, Sylvain had no way of knowing how he truly felt. Yeah, he was only doing this because Ashe was so sweet and kind, not for anything else. Or at least that’s what Felix told himself.

They both gave quick goodbyes, before leaving the gardens, lowly talking to one another. Probably planning something ridiculously to stretch out this whole experience far too long. Felix pinched the bridge of his nose, already growing a headache from this all.

Ashe and Felix connected gazes once more, and he felt his face grow heated.

“...Do you want to put this conversation off and just stare at the stars?” Ashe asked, nervously chuckling.

“You know what Ashe, that sounds like a wonderful idea.” Felix agreed, directing his attention above, missing the softened expression Ashe shot him before following his words.


	2. touch starved and stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix is really bad at physical affection, everyone knows this. ashe ESPECIALLY knows this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay quick disclaimer or something: DONT WORRY ITS NOTHING BAD JUST SNDFJKDSFND  
okay so my friends and i have this running joke that cold hands are witch hands, and now i thought this was a common thing but i GUESS not?? so that being said it's used later in the chapter. so if there's some secret urban dictionary meaning where it means like "a dick thats cold" or something i had no idea. i just wanna be a lil funny mans. 
> 
> also no art this time because im a tired mans
> 
> anyways enjoy or something. thats up to u boo

Already a week into this whole mess, Felix truly now believes that the goddess despises him. Before sending him down she must have had some great scheme in mind, muttering ‘This sound be fun,” and sent him to a life of inconvenience. 

Surprisingly, the problem did not stem from Dorothea and Sylvain. In fact, after setting the two up, they remained in the sidelines. Watching and occasionally throwing glances over and observing their fucked up experiment. He found some relief in that they respected how the two were going to go about this. Well, they were mostly resigned to the sidelines. Sylvain just couldn’t wait to see his little fake loved birds start out. 

He grimaced remembering the day after this whole mess started, trying to control the twitch in his expression. 

//

Honestly, Felix should’ve known the next morning was going to be a disaster. The minute his eyes met Ashe’s he knew something would happen. But he couldn’t tell what, and that only made him dread more.

The archer took a seat next to him, quietly flipping through some notes, dedicated writing inscribed across the pages. Felix could almost chuckle, Ashe really is a nerd. But he prefers a nerd compared to the skirt chaser staring at him from across the room. 

His eyes met Sylvain’s, and the other man had the gall to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively, a sly smile crossing his face. Felix scowled at him, shooting him the finger before hiding it from Ashe, who was aware now. 

The archer laughed nervously, “I don’t actually know how dating works.” His tone was timid, even a little defeated. 

“Can’t say much for myself either.” Felix admitted, bringing his full attention to his now ‘fake’ boyfriend. What did couples even do? Hold hands and shit? He scoffed at the idea of outrageously displaying affection. It was all just a show to claim someone, outrageous dedication to one another? Foolish, idiotic even. But he couldn’t back out now, he couldn’t let Sylvain or that diva win. 

“Oh, can I ask what notes you had for this section?” Ashe then questioned, scooting closer to the swordsman. Felix complied, locating his own notes with ease and handing them to Ashe, accidentally leaning in maybe a little too close. He didn’t realize it until it was too late that they were practically a few centimeters apart, face to face. From afar, this could look like-

“My goodness! is that Felix Hugo Fraldarius kissing Ashe Ubert?!” Sylvain shouted, his tone absolutely honeyed in fake confusion. Felix pulled back and glared daggers at him, his scowl only screwing in more. 

Ashe’s face lit up in a flush, and he stumbled on his words. “I- No?” Felix found a new reason to kick the shit out of Sylvain, how dare he put Ashe on the spot. Himself is one thing, but Ashe? That’s just cruel. “We were just going over n-notes.” He looked away, meek like a rabbit. With all the eyes in them, Felix could feel Ashe grow more nervous, fidgeting with the drawstrings of his hoodie. 

“Why, Felix, what has caused you both to suddenly be so close?” Sylvain continued, smirking up a storm. “Could it be that you’re involved with one another?” His acting tone was so fake it actually physically hurt him. 

Felix glanced at the rest of the class, they all switching their gazes from Sylvain to the aforementioned duo. This was going to come out somehow, but Felix had a small hope it wouldn’t have been the exact morning after. But to his misfortune, Sylvain just snatched it and threw it in the river. He sighed, might as well get the embarrassment over now. 

“Yes, now can you please shut it? You’re being unusually annoying.” There was a bite in his voice at the end, clearly agitated. He turned back to Ashe, his arm secretly wrapping around the smaller boy’s lower waist, providing some comfort. He tried not to think about how the archer had leaned into his touch. The remaining of the class shared a few looks, none of the disapproving kind, just surprised is all. It didn’t take long for them to murmur amongst themselves. 

“See Mercie? I _knew_ it!” Annette declared, pumping her fist in the air before retracting it quickly, “Congrats though!” What did she know? Felix didn’t dare spare another thought to the girl’s words. 

Mercedes chuckled, and Ingrid added in, “Yeah! Congratulations to both of you.” She gave them a bright smile, only slightly reassuring the fake couple.

Right, there’s the key factor in this, it’s all fake. He can only attempt to not think about that now. He could only try harder to ignore the twist in his gut if they ever found out, ouch. 

Dimitri made a noise of shock, but was generally amused, “It is a bit surprising, but it’s welcomed nonetheless!” He light-heartedly laughed, “I hope you both find happiness together.” Dedue nodded beside him, even though his stoic expression he portrayed some level of care. 

Felix and Ashe gave their thanks, luckily the meek one recovered from his sudden anxiety-induced state, laughing it off as if it hadn’t occurred, “Thank you, really, but it’s not that big of a deal.” Ashe chuckled the remaining of his nervousness off. Sylvain looked absolutely proud of himself, and Felix mouthed _‘I will kill you,’_ at him. 

It didn’t take long for their class to return to their activities, new energy within their conversations. Sylvain waltzed on over, looking a mixture of proud and smug somehow all in one face. A very punchable face at that, a very fucking punchable face. 

“Not the best start I would say but,” Sylvain started, shrugging, “I gotta give respect where it's due, you really sell the protective act, Felix.” He playfully bumped Felix’s shoulder, knowing he was safe as long as Ashe was here. Fucker, absolute fucker, and goddess sent bastard. 

Ashe shifted, “You could have at least warned us.” A small pout formed on his lips, his cheek puffing a bit in annoyance. Felix suddenly realized his arm was still around the archer. His own arm… wrapped around that sweet boy... so nonchalantly. To put it simply, his mind suddenly felt a bit hazy. Retracting his arm, he held his breath that Ashe wouldn’t notice his sudden change in posture, his heart still feeling like goo. 

Luckily he didn’t, at least not when Sylvain snickered, “Oh what? Was I just supposed to casually walk on over, hope no one notices, and declare _‘So! How do we initiate our plan_, huh?” 

“_Our_ plan?” Ashe radiated a feeling of being unimpressed. 

“Okay then fine, Dorothea’s plan with my supervision.” The cavalier admitted, “But still! They seem to believe it, now we just need to get Linhardt and Caspar to know.” 

“I swear if you make some show out of us, I won’t hesitate to send you to the goddess early.” Felix snapped, Ashe nodded beside him. 

“Yes, please do not do that again.” The archer sighed, relaxing his previously tense shoulders.

//

Fortunately, his classmates had been kind enough not to mention how strange that had been, but still, the embarrassment remained. However, an issue still remained despite how much he tried to ignore it over the week. 

The problem? Ashe himself. That stupidly adorable, optimistic archer was the problem, and he wasn’t even aware of it. 

Felix found that he was fine being near the boy, he could remain calm, and still possess his sharp tongue for anyone who’d dare bother them. He certainly didn’t mind spending the extra time around him, in fact, quite the opposite. It did help in the tiniest way that their classmates were accepting of seeing them together. No, simple public declarations of affection did not bother him, as long as they remained silent. 

The problem stemmed from one simple concept, an idea that is so mundane to any love bird couple that he almost felt embarrassed about it: physical affection. 

When Ashe would gently take his hand into his, or even step closer and just get within his space, Felix was rendered a silent wreck. So many times already they had been speaking to someone when he couldn’t speak without a crack in his voice just because Ashe had been holding onto him. Now it doesn’t make him uncomfortable, he just cannot find it in him to act normal and remain unflustered. It’s pitiful, disgusting, unbecoming-

“Hey, are you okay Felix?” Ashe asked, grounding the swordsman back down to Earth with the pleasant sound of his voice. 

He groaned internally, like hell he was going to admit this issue. No, he’d rather die a proud flustered man than a whiny lovesick dolt. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” Felix grunted, certainly not sounding like it. His cross arms tensed, tapping fingers against the crook of his elbow. 

Ashe stalled for a moment, looking him over before dropping the issue, “Alright, I understand.” He even smiled, “Although, uhm…” His voice faded. 

Felix shot him a questioning look, and a brief look of panic entered the archer’s eyes. Oh dear goddess, did he really intimidate him that much. 

“S-Sorry! Nevermind.” Ashe laughed the issue off, looking back down towards his book. Felix was about to speak, but was cut off by Byleth staring class, leading into a long lecture. 

He bit the inside of his mouth, alright then, he’ll just have to get that last part out of him later. Relaxing, he tuned into his professor’s words, almost missing the glance Ashe have him before becoming enraptured too. 

//

Felix grunted as the practice sword met Petra’s, the two locking eyes in the struggle. He stepped back, sending some distance between the two, and lunged forward. Petra easily swept to the side, her braid following behind her elegantly, before countering him. He barely made the cut to prevent her attack, the wooden weapons meeting once more. 

Her reaction time had grown better than the last time they sparred, as she showed no hesitation in her decisions. But that wasn’t going to save her, especially when he noticed her stance had weakened. So he took the opportunity to surge forward, sending her backwards and her legs collapsing beneath her. 

Petra gave a small “oof” as she hit the ground, her weapon dropping to the ground in a clatter, and her hind side certainly bruised. She rubbed her back for a moment, before shooting up onto her feet. 

“That was incredible!” Her voice was bright, “I hadn’t expected such a tactic.” Tactic? It was just a simple fight or flight response.

“You let your guard down too easily, always keep your stance steady.” Felix shrugged, “Let me know when you’re ready to go again.” He certainly didn’t mind her, although her eagerness to learn was a bit overwhelming for him. He wasn’t superior in skills, as she definitely had her own abilities. But she was the only sword user who could actually offer a challenge, many other students severely lacking in skills compared to them both. 

Petra nodded and excused herself for a few minutes. Felix glanced down to the practice weapon and irked, he’s done a number on it, splinters and crevasses almost breaking the thing. This had to be the umpteenth one this year he’s destroyed, even the hilt had grip marks ingrained into it, oops. 

Replacing it was no issue, just an inconvenience to the staff of the academy. Every time he walked into the back to grab another one, he could feel the sighs practically spill from their mouths, another biting the dust. So he took the walk of shame again, turning the wooden item in and exchanging it for a new one. About to return to the ground, he paused, catching an interesting sight out of the corner of his eye. 

Behind a wall near a corner, stood Ingrid and Ashe, seemingly lost in conversation. He scoffed, it was most likely about those heinous chivalry stories again. False dreams and absurd hopes plagued those books. But even within the confines of conversation, Ingrid caught Felix’s gaze, and glanced back down to Ashe, saying something before her breath. They exchanged a few more words before Ashe came over to greet him. 

“I’m assuming you broke another one?” The archer asked, glancing towards the sword. Felix almost felt a bit sheepish. 

“Maybe so.” Felix could only deadpan, and Ashe giggled. Oh, there goes his traitorous heart again, catching a beat. “What was that about?” He gestured to Ingrid, and she waved. He curtly waved back, before focusing on his ‘fake’ boyfriend 

“Oh, we were just speaking about our favorite tales again,” He fucking knew it, “But may I request something of you?” 

Felix quirked an eyebrow, “That would be?” It was most likely going to be something mundane, normal. Nothing strange. 

“May I see your hand?” Ashe questioned, opening his own towards the other. “I just want to… test something, yeah that’s it.” 

Okay Ashe, totally not suspicious. But he complied, sighing as he gave the archer his hand, setting it on top of the others. It felt a bit weird, how Ashe’s hands were always so cold. Had he been less reserved he would have offered to warm them, but the idea made him almost wince. Disgustingly lovey-dovey. He’s a swordsman, not a goddess damned lover. 

Ashe interlaced their fingers, his smaller digits fitting nicely between Felix’s own. The archer moved his thumb between the two hands, rubbing circles into Felix’s palm. He looked so calm while doing it, even a small smile grew on his face. 

Felix however, tried to control his own bewilderment, that heat returning to his cheeks in a flash. 

Ashe continued his ministrations, even lovingly squeezing his hand. He reconnected their gazes, looking Felix dead in the eye. Alright, not too strange. Although Felix has to admit he’s never seen any other couple do this. Is it normal? He had no clue. 

Then Ashe brought Felix’s hand to his lips and gently kissed the pads of his fingers. Ashe’s lips felt so soft and tender that Felix almost lost himself, his heart leaping like a rabbit. This little archer was going to be the death of him. 

His own mouth felt dry as Ashe pulled back, and smiled at him. “Thanks! That’s all I needed.” He sauntered off back to Ingrid, continuing their conversation from before as if he didn’t just blast Felix’s mind to thousands of tiny shards. 

Felix felt like he was going to cough, wheeze, and die at the same time. His face must have been horribly crimson, probably looking like he just mauled someone instead of receiving such a weirdly endearing act. Act of kindness? No, that’s far too vague. 

He quickly returned to the training grounds, his kissed hand covering his face, and his grip on the weapon growing hard. Petra noticed him immediately, a smile growing on her face. “Felix! Are you ready to-“ She stopped short, smile dropping and being replaced by confusion. Her head tilting and brow quirking. 

Felix stared back at her, dropping his hand from his face and growled, “Something amiss?”

She took a moment, “You look as if you’ve been in a fluster.” He would have to help her correct that sentence later, “Are you feeling well?”

Oh like hell he was going to tell her about his predicament. Nope, that’s a conversation he will never have, ever. 

“... Don’t worry about it.” He groaned. She stared downwards now, and he followed her eyes to the sword in his hand. 

“... You broke the hilt again.” She pointed out, and she was right. Felix groaned even deeper at the sight of the splintered mess. 

“...I broke the hilt again.” He repeated, miserably. 

//

Maybe if he pushed the pillow harder on his face, he’d finally pass out from asphyxiation, and quite honestly, anything would work at this point. 

For what felt like days but what was probably just a few hours, he has struggled to fall asleep. His mind would not rest no matter what he did to tame it. He’d already been kicked out of the training grounds, so that was out of the question. Apparently two swords a day is just too much for the staff to deal with. It wasn’t his fault that he possessed some minor inhuman strength due to his crest. Maybe he can find a cat hanging around, those always calmed him. Plenty of felines snuck past the guards and Seteth to roam the upper dorms, so it’s not like they would be that hard to find. 

Removing himself from the bed, he buttoned up the loose shirt on his chest. As he was about to open the door, a knock sounded from the other side. His mind stalled, why would anyone seek him out this hour. Not answering, a moment passed before another knock sounded through, knuckles grazing against the door. “Felix? Are you awake?” Came the soft voice of Ashe. 

Felix fell blank for a moment, he would’ve suspected Sylvain to come here, maybe even Ingrid, but Ashe? Not in thousands of years. Cracking open the door, he did indeed find Ashe. His uniform jacket having been long discarded, leaving him in the deep navy hoodie that almost looked too big for him, from the way it hung from his form. He sighed, no cats tonight but at least he can entertain an archer. Pulling the door open, he stepped aside and let the shorter boy in. 

“Sorry for coming so late,” Ashe chuckled, even nervously fidgeting with the drawstrings of his hood. “I was going to put this off but, I thought it’d be best if I spoke to you now.” 

Put this off? What was Ashe getting to? Felix took a seat on the bed, looking at the archer to continue. Ashe let out a short anxious laugh, “Please, hear me out before saying anything.” 

“But, during the time we’ve spent together I’ve noticed something when we’re close. You’re not one for being so nervous, at least not openly, so this caught me completely off guard.” He paused, collecting his thoughts, “But it’s whenever we are closer than normal or initiating some sort of physical contact. I know you tried to hide it, especially this morning, but I couldn’t help but notice that you always grow completely flustered.”

Felix’s stomach dropped, he had tried to hide any abnormal reactions as best as he can, but it still wasn’t enough? Of course, Ashe would figure out the truth, why wouldn’t he? He was one of the smartest people within their class, it’s only logical he would connect the dots and see the truth. The swordsman could only hope that the archer wouldn’t grow disgusted with him and leave. He braced himself for an upset Ashe, even wincing at the mere idea. 

“You…” Ashe paused, and Felix felt like death, Goddess kill him now, “You’re not used to physical affection, are you?” 

Felix didn’t respond, the initial dread leaving his body in an instant. In its place confusion grabbed hold. “Pardon?” 

“Forgive me, but I talked to Ingrid earlier about this, and I’m sorry for asking her but, she informed me that you hadn’t ever engaged with someone like that before. Well, as far as she knew.” Oh, so _that's_ what they had been talking about. But Ashe continued, “So I connected some dots and… I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped any boundaries, that wasn’t my intent, but it was stuck in the back of my mind. But am I correct or not?”

Normally, Felix would tear apart anyone who dared to get into his personal life, but he couldn’t feel any of that rage towards the boy. This must be some pity from the heavens, and he isn’t one to reject an out to something he’s still not ready to admit. 

“It’s true I…” Goddess, he couldn’t speak, “I've never been… physically affectionate before.” Wow, that sounded dirtier than intended. While yeah, he’s never done _that_ before but- no, that’s not important right now!

Ashe’s expression brightened, “I knew it!” He whisper-yelled. It was almost cute in his moment of pride. Oh, how he really didn’t know it. 

“So you’ve figured it out. Do you need anything else?” Felix groaned, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. 

That brought Ashe back to reality, as he snapped his fingers, “Yeah! Right so-“ He stepped forward resting his hands on Felix’s shoulders. “Realizing this, I wanted to ask you. If physical affection makes you uncomfortable, I will immediately stop if asked.”

Felix stared wide-eyed at him, Ashe then continued, “But if you don’t mind… I wouldn’t oppose helping you get used to it.” It was Ashe’s turn to blush, his freckles showing through the light pink on his cheeks. Felix felt the urge to kiss every single one of them. 

Wow, that’s something shocking coming from his mind. 

But he held back, biting the inside of his lip, he pondered for a moment. He wouldn’t mind the closeness, especially with the meek boy. But he had to know something first. “Are you comfortable with that?” His tone was flat but still questioning. 

“Huh?” Ashe replied, blinking his eyes wide. 

Felix sighed, “For such a perceptive person, you sure don’t listen at all sometimes.” But he digressed, “I asked you, are you comfortable,” He paused, “assisting me?” Yeah, that felt like the right way to word that. 

Ashe nodded immediately, not sparing a thought to the question with his mind made up, “I wouldn’t offer had I not been at peace with the idea.” That made Felix melt, how dare this boy be so considerate. 

He moved back on the bed, his back up against the headboard, folding his legs underneath him. Truly, this felt a bit trivial, but if it was going to stop him from becoming that silent flushed wreck, then it was worth it. Ashe climbed onto the bed, and sat before him, at a closer look, Felix noticed how his hair was a bit messy, flicking into his eyes more than usual and bedridden. He immediately wanted to comb his fingers through it. 

Felix mentally slapped himself, he needed to stop this barrage of very homoerotic ideas. Well, to be frank, he wasn’t opposed to them but- 

Ashe chuckled, “So,” He leaned a bit forward now, “May I see your hand once more?” His own hand opened up towards him, inviting as it was all those hours ago. Felix hated his hesitation, but he finally complied, settling his own within those now-familiar colder ones. 

Their fingers intertwined, and the silence between them suddenly felt more relaxed. Ashe’s fingers were ever so slightly smaller, fitting right in between the gaps of Felix’s. He couldn’t help but notice how the archer’s hands were still soft, somewhat that is. They definitely felt a little tough, but nothing in comparison to his own bruised and scarred pair. The tips of his fingers are where Felix felt he was the softest, the pads of prints holding a cold gentleness in them that he’d never experienced in another person before. Ashe tightened their grip, his own expression growing affectionate. 

“You have nice hands,” Ashe mumbled, probably not meaning to say it aloud. 

“... Thank you?” Felix replied, and Ashe flinched. Ah, so he hadn’t. 

“Y-Yeah! No problem.” Ashe’s voice cracked, but his smile remained strong. 

The moment felt a bit embarrassing now, but like hell that was going to deter either of them. His hand was still cold, just as it was earlier. Though not uncomfortable, he couldn’t help grumbling. How did this boy feel anything? 

Ashe then mimicked his actions from earlier, moving his thumb to rub tender circles into the swordsman's palms. His movement was considerably slower now though, not that Felix could complain, he savored every moment. 

“My apologies if I grow awkward,” Ashe said sheepishly, “I hadn’t actually imagined I’d get this far.” Another piece of his bangs shifted down onto his face, covering his eyes slightly. 

Felix didn’t even think as he used his free hand to push Ashe’s bangs back, setting them behind his ear, fingers lingering, “You're fine.” He mumbled, “As painfully awkward as you can be.” 

His green eyes went wide again, and his traitorous heart fluttered. Realizing what he’d done, Felix ruffled Ashe’s hair back into his face, the archer barely concealing a surprised yelp. At least he couldn’t bear witness to the deepening red on his face. 

Ashe blew a gust of air into his bangs, watching them fly up and away from his eyes. “You know, I don’t mind you touching me, if that’s what you’re worried about. 

Felix stared, quirking an eyebrow, and the archer straight up squawked.

“Felix! Not like that!” 

Felix snorted, tightening his grip on the archer’s hand. Ashe gave him a hardy faux pout, before chucking himself. The swordsman couldn’t help but give a small smile. 

“May I move closer?” Ashe’s grip softened, curiosity across his face. 

Did friends do this? Is it normal to ask then initiate some weird cuddling session with your friend, who doubles as a fake boyfriend? From his experience of just being around Sylvain, Ingrid, and Dimitri, this wasn’t that normal. Hell, even the idea of getting that close to the boar almost made his flight or fight go off. Maybe it isn’t, but his little pining heart was going to say no. 

“Do what you want.” Felix scooted over, smoothing the spot next to him, blanket becoming more ruffled as they moved. Ashe settling next to him, nervously fidgeting with his drawstrings again. He was almost meek in taking Felix’s hand again, a slight tremble to those cold hands. He hesitated, but he reciprocated, running his thumb across the archer’s knuckles, feeling them warm up ever so slightly. But no matter of small affections could disperse the awkward tension, that tension being exactly three inches of awkwardness building. 

For the love of- why was this boy so blatantly nervous? This boy could go up to him in public and kiss his hand, but goddess-forbid close contact? Ubert was always a strange one. 

Felix groaned, “Goddess, you’re hopeless.” Gently pulling the archer closer, he tried to ignore how his heart raced, “If you’re going to initiate some weird cuddling session, at least go at it with pride.” 

“Well-! When you put it like that it sounds weird!” Ashe sputtered, leaning his head on Felix’s shoulder. “I didn’t know if that would be alright with you so-” 

“Ashe.” 

“Yes?” 

“I’m going to repeat myself one last time, you’re fine.” He tried to ignore the inviting wisps of Ashe’s hair, “I find you… the most tolerable.” Smooth Felix, next time just tell him you’d prefer talking to him rather than getting stabbed. But to his surprise, Ashe grinned. 

“What?” 

“You’re soft.” Ashe barely mumbled, shifting closer to the swordsman. “And apparently very warm.” 

“Well you’re unnaturally cold,” Felix scoffed, resting his head on top of the archer’s, “You have witch hands.” 

The archer quirked an eyebrow, then did something that surprised the swordsman. He stuck one of his cold hands on his neck, Felix uncharacteristically yelped at the sensation of cold creeping into his skin. 

“Fucking witch hands-!” He grabbed the archer’s palm, and thrusted it back to the boy, growing slightly annoyed at how he laughed. 

“How intriguing, not only are you secretly very soft and warm, but apparently sensitive as well,” Ashe smirked, a little smug expression crossing his face. Felix couldn’t help but think, _Well then Ashe Ubert, fuck you and your adorable face. _

“I’m not sensitive,” Felix grunted. 

“Coming from someone who yelped at some cold hands on his neck, I don’t think you can say much.” 

After the archer quelled his small bout of laughter, he rested again, growing silent but much more comfortable. Good, Felix couldn’t help but despise seeing the boy grow weary. He brushed his thumb against his knuckles again, grip growing a bit tighter. Upon resting his own head against the archer’s, he found that his hair was indeed very, _very_ soft. Huh, fitting for his personality. 

And he certainly didn’t mind drifting off with such a comforting presence. 

// 

Early that morning, Ashe fled his room. As soon as the birds began to chirp and the sun reared its rays, the archer awoke and fled back to his own dorm, hoping no one would catch him. Felix couldn’t argue, he dare not feed into the thought of the gossiping student body thinking they were getting a little _extracurricular_ with one another. Oh, Goddess, Ashe would probably explode on spot with an accusation like that. The thought made him chuckle internally, Ubert always had quite the interesting reactions. 

Returning to reality, he quickly drew his sword to meet Petra’s, the girl had sought him out to practice just a little bit more. She withdrew, then stabbed forward again, Felix barely swept to the side, sending a counter stab her way. 

Although when she met the offending weapon with her own, quickly unarming the swordsman, Felix couldn’t help but feel a bit like a deer during a hunt. She pressed forward, sending him onto his back, and a groan leaking from his mouth. 

“I see you truly took yesterday to heart.” Sitting up, he rubbed his hind side, ow, that was going to bruise. Now he felt a little bad for doing this to Petra. When she offered a hand, he accepted, he nearly squawked when she pulled him up like he was some feather on the street. 

“My apologies if you have any injuries, but I could not help but test what you showed me!” Petra did a little mini pump with her fists, genuine excitement, “Shall we go again in a little bit?” 

Felix scoffed, “I don’t care, just let me know when you’re ready.” She nodded, skipping off somewhere, he didn’t really care where if he was honest. 

Observing his weapon, he couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved that it wasn’t broken like yesterday. Setting it aside, he decided to pace around, feeling a bit restless. Nothing within the grounds was new, same old weapons lying around here and there, alongside some students conversating over strategy while evaluating their own inventories. 

However, once again like time just had to repeat itself, he caught the sight of a certain little archer. Accompanied by two others, Bernadetta and Ignatz if he was correct, they seemed to be focused in some practice. Ashe took aim at a target, his stance steady and eyes focused, he let the arrow slip from his hand. It landed its mark, dead center. For how meek the boy is, he certainly can be a force to be reckoned with. 

Recalling to last night, that same meek boy deciding to assault his neck with his ever so cursed witch hands, Felix smirked to himself. Might as well allow the archer to gain some rewards from his efforts. 

Sauntering next to the archer, he watched, waiting for the right time to strike. Ashe nocked another arrow, drawing it back to his cheek, and steadied his breathing. As he let it go, it met it’s target dead center again, even splitting the previous arrow in two as it sliced through effortlessly. Now Felix has never been one to even think about doing this, but alas there’s a first time for everything. Maybe Sylvain is rubbing off on him, nonetheless, this should be interesting. 

Leaning down, he pressed a chaste kiss to Ashe’s temple, slightly grinning at the soft feeling of his hair grazing his cheek. “Nice shot, little archer.” He whispered to the boy, before walking off. Ashe turned and sputtered, an array of failed sentences leaving his mouth. 

“Felix-! You- Get back here!” 

Felix could only grin to himself as he turned the corner, avoiding the flustered little man with ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that ending may have been a bit ooc but i thought it was funny so yknow, fuck canon right  
anyways uh, unbeta'd again because im afraid to ask anyone so if u see any issue lemme know! i adore u


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